Dream On
by Godshatter
Summary: Songfic: We always realize the past is gone once we're too old to do anything about it


1 Dream On  
  
By: Godshatter  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing….  
  
  
  
"C'mon, move it pops. I have a whole line of costumers waiting to check out"  
  
Heero Yuy, ex Gundam Pilot, now stood in line at the Food Mart on 165th street at Fountain Blvd on colony L1-357D. The cashier prodded him along until he finally gave up and went to fetch someone to help Heero with his bags. At 75 he wasn't quite the man he used to be and accepted the help. As he stepped outside into the crisp morning air he spotted a new stand. He walked/limped over to it and bought an edition of the Space Tribune, on the front page was a picture of a vibrant old woman with long faded wheat colored hair holding a baby boy on her lap. The caption at the bottom read, "First grandchild of Relena Dorlin Peacecraft."  
  
"Hn" Heero folded the paper up, tucked it neatly under his arm and headed for his car, the clerk from the store in tow with his bags. Upon reaching his car he unlocked the door, got in and started the engine.  
  
"Uh, mister, where do you want me to put these?" queried the clerk, thinking that Heero was going to accidentally leave him behind.  
  
"Put them in the trunk, hold up, ill pop it for you" replied Heero, reaching down for the lever that unlatched the trunk door. "Alright, its unlocked."  
  
As the man loaded the heavy sacks into the car Heero began subconsciously counting the "thumps", one for each bag. When he noticed that the man was 3 short and seemed to have stopped he became slightly nervous.  
  
"Umm"  
  
This is why I never let anyone load anything for me  
  
Heero stepped out of his car and walked over to where the man was.  
  
"Is there a problem?"  
  
"Sure there's a problem. Did you know you had a rack of illegal weapons back here?"  
  
Heero eyed the man coldly, not saying a word he bent down and finished loading his own groceries, popping his back twice.  
  
"What of them. If you don't high-tail it out of here I just might be inclined to use one."  
  
"Hahahaha. You wouldn't shoot me in broad daylight, would you old man?"  
  
"Who said anything about "shooting", there are other ways to use a gun you know."  
  
The young man was beginning to get nervous, he didn't like the way this old guy was eyeing him. He didn't really believe he would do anything to him but he didn't feel like tempting fate, so he decided to laugh it off.  
  
"Alright alright, you've made your point, I give."  
  
"Alright." He pulled out some credit notes from his wallet and handed it to the young man. "Thank you."  
  
"No problem pops"  
  
"If you call me "pops" one more time you will regret it."  
  
"Umm, sure thing. Well, thanks for the tip, I need to get going," and with that the clerk turned and beat a hasty retreat from the crazy old man he had just met.  
  
"Damn kids these days. Ah well, I need to get home."  
  
Heero once again got into his car and left the lot, got on the highway and sped off towards his apartment.  
  
As he drove he looked up at the sky and noticed there were some artificial clouds forming. Looks like another rain day. Sometimes I wish they would tell us about these things. By the time he pulled into the garage for is apartment it was beginning to drizzle lightly. Better get these things in before it really pours.  
  
As he unlocked the door thunder crashed down the streets and rattled the windows. Heero, startled, dropped the sack he was holding and stumbled into the door, knocking it open. "Damn it, I hate getting old," he muttered as he gathered the contents of the now busted bag and carted them inside. Seven times he went back and forth from his car until he brought all of the bags in, one by one.  
  
Once the bags were on the table he went over to turn on the lights. When he flipped the switch, nothing happened. Smirking to himself he looked out the window, rain was now falling in heavy sheets and was beating on the windows. "When it rains, it pours." He laughed softly at the age-old pun. It had taken a lot for him to gain a sense of humor, albeit a dry one, but a sense of humor none the less.  
  
I hope I have some candles around here somewhere. Heero walked back to his bedroom to grab a flashlight. Rummaging through some boxes in a corner he finally found one. It too didn't work when he flipped it on. "Piece of junk," said Heero in disgust. He tossed it over his shoulder and heard it clatter and role, when it bumped into the wall the light flickered for a moment and the came on strongly. "Ah, there we go."  
  
Now to find those candles, they're probably in the closet.  
  
Getting down on his knees he started looking through boxes of old clothes, maps and old mission logs. At the very bottom of the pile there was a small box labeled "EMERGENCY", inside of it was a box of candles, a flare gun, some flares and a first aid kit. I hope I never have to use those again. Upon closer examination he found that the emergency supply box was also laying on top of a larger, heavier box. Wonder what's in that one. Might as well look, it's not like I have anything better to do.  
  
He picked up the box marked "EMERGENCY" and set it aside. Looking inside the box he found a dozen or so old pistols and an overworked M-12 Mk2 light sniper rifle, but what really caught his attention was a small wind-up radio that was beat to hell. It had 3 or 4 small bullet holes, dents, scratches and wires hanging out from where it had been repaired probably a half dozen times.  
  
In his youth Heero had not been one to have anything around that would distract him from his mission, if it was not absolutely vital to the mission it was left behind. Except for this small wind-up radio. It had gone on every mission and virtually everywhere he had been. At first it was simply so that he could listen to radio reports and still be in touch with what was going on in the world. Mission summaries sent by Dr. J weren't quite as "entertaining". Eventually he quit listening to the news and listened solely to the myriad of music stations, old classic rock being his favorite, along with opera and jazz. Countless nights he would be working/resting/dozing under the stars listening to his little wind-up radio.  
  
He picked up the box, and with considerable effort, lugged it over to his sofa and placed it down on the ground. Next he took the flashlight and went to grab some red mechanic's rags along with a bottle of gun polish from underneath his sink. Returning to his couch, he placed the bottle and the rags on the glass coffee table and pulled the rifle along with the radio out of the box. He wound up the radio and set it aside. That having been done Heero picked up a rag, poured a small amount of polishing agent, and began to clean and polish his weapon. As he worked, an old rock and role song came on by some band who had been dead and gone before even the colonies were around.  
  
As the song opened Heero put down his work for just a moment to listen to the guitar, the flow of the music calmed him. It had been a very long time since he had done this.  
  
--Every time that I look in the mirror, all these lines on my face gettin' clearer --  
  
How true. I can't even stand to look at myself anymore. I hate being old. Just the first line in the song opened memories that he thought long gone.  
  
"When was the first time you ever felt old"  
  
"I would have to say, that the very first time I felt truly old was when my son had his first kid. It was kind of strange at first, being called grandpa and all. But I know Jack loved being a dad, and he loved little Jesse.  
  
"Duo! Duo, its time to eat, Jack, Linda and Jesse just got here."  
  
"Well, I gotta go, it's been great talking to you but you know how impatient Hilde can get."  
  
"Ya, alright. I'll talk to you latter, bye"  
  
-CLICK-   
  
-- The past is gone, it went by like dusk to dawn --  
  
Heero sat idly polishing his rifle, lost in thought. He looked down and realized he had polished it too much, that it now reflected light. Oh well, I wont be needing it anyways, maybe I'll put it in a display case or something and sell it. Relics from the war are pretty valuable if I remember correctly.  
  
"The past is gone" repeated Heero. Ya, no kiddin. Hell, Releena just had her first grandchild today. Where does the time go, its like someone reaches into our lives and steals them, the part that counts anyway. No one should have to feel like I do, no one should have to feel like their life has no purpose, no meaning. When you're only taught one thing, and one thing only, it's pretty hard to apply yourself to life. Damn you and thank you Dr. J. Damn you for forever closing the door that would lead to me having even a partially normal life, and thank you for giving me the discipline and integrity to survive it.  
  
--Isn't that the way, everybody's got their dues in life to pay--  
  
Duo was the only one of the five that I ever kept in close contact with. I envy him sometimes. He has no idea how lucky he is to have Hilde, to have someone who loves you unconditionally, no matter what and for who you are. No matter what happens in life he will never again be alone, like in the beginning. In the beginning we were all like that, alone, angry and, and above all, determined. We were determined to survive, we didn't give a damn about winning. Well, they didn't. I was trained from the time I was 4 to not only win, but to survive winning.  
  
"Heero, don't you ever get lonely? Ever?" asked Releena, now in tears after Heero had yet again declined an offer to "go out" with her.  
  
"Only when I'm around people"  
  
We haven't spoken since. I regret every minute of ever day my decision, and I probably will from now till rapture.  
  
--I know, nobody knows where it comes and where it goes--  
  
Death. Dr. J always told me to be ready for it and be ready to give it.  
  
"Are you afraid to die Heero" asked a squat man in a lab coat.  
  
"No," replied Heero, staring into the man's bioroid eyes.  
  
"Do you know what death feels like? Do you know it? Have you ever felt its cold grip on you?"  
  
"No"  
  
"If you do not know what it is or is like how could you possibly not fear it?"  
  
"I don't know, I just don't. I don't care."  
  
"Perhaps we've trained you a bit too well. It's alright to not fear death, and it's alright to fear it also, even for a soldier. But to not care, well, that attitude will have to be changed. If you don't' care then you will make mistakes. Always be ready to give your life, just not in vein or because of foolishness."  
  
* * *  
  
Heero awoke the next day to find himself unable to move. His hands and legs were bound to a large metal tray/bed and his hands were fastened in a position that was gripping a metal cylinder in his palms.  
  
"What the hell?"  
  
"Hehehehe, I've 'attached' you to the acceleration ladder of one of my new toys. This is the machine that tests the capacity of the beam cannon on your mecha. You remember our conversation from yesterday right?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Well, this is to teach you a lesson. This little experiment will teach you the value of self preservation and maybe a little something extra at the end."  
  
"Mission accepted," Heero muttered quietly to himself.  
  
The "experiment" started and Heero thought his entire body was on fire as the electrons jumped up and down the acceleration ladder. At first it was only a tickle, then a slight jittering, until finally, he thought the entire world had suddenly sprouted tongues of fire. His muscles began to spasm and he lost all control of his body.  
  
Oh God, if there is a god, please help me, give me strength. Don't let me falter or show fear in the eyes of Dr. J. Please God, oh please.  
  
"Yes that's it Heero, feel the pain, the burning, the itching. Now, when your at the tip of the abyss, reach deep into your soul and grab at whatever is down there and PULL IT UP! This is where you will find your inner strength."  
  
"Ungmph." Heero tried to speak, to show he was still there and still willing to accept the pain that Dr. J had given him. He couldn't see, blinded by the blood that flowed from the swollen veins in his eyes. Coughing, he couldn't breath. Blood flowed freely from his nose down his cheeks and chin and down his is throat. His skin began to smoke and gaping swores began to rupture. Then he felt it, down, at the very bottom and at the back of his mind he saw it, felt it. He grabbed it with his subconscious and wrenched it fee, letting lose a blood filled scream that game out more of a sigh.  
  
Dr. J, now satisfied that he had done well, turned off the arc and let the ladder settle before he removed Heero from his bindings.  
  
"Alright Heero, you did good today. I won't train you anymore for now. Jeff, help him back to the infirmary."  
  
How strange, everyday the same thing, they beat my body and try to break my spirit, only to fix me up again.   
  
That day I learned a lesson in humility too. Up until that time I had never, ever asked for anyone's help. I realized then that in addition to having great strength, stamina and endurance, I also had to know when enough was enough and to ask for help. Even though he didn't know it, that day Dr. J planted the seed would help me regain my humanity, after he stripped it from me and buried it in the bloodied earth.  
  
Not realizing that the song was just ending Heero looked out at the rain outside and listened to the last few lines of the song.  
  
1.1 --Dream On, dream on, dream on  
  
Dream yourself a dream come true  
  
Dream On, dream on, dream on  
  
Dream until your dream comes true  
  
Dream On, Dream On, Dream On  
  
Dream On, Dream On, Dream On, Dream On--  
  
"This is Boomer 93.9 Classic Oldies Rock Nonstop Marathon and that was 'Dream On' by Aerosmith."  
  
"Dream on" murmured Heero. He smiled to himself, lost in thought once again he looked out the window and through tear-streaked eyes he saw himself, for the first time in a long time, as he used to be. He saw the cold, ice blue eyes of before, the face so hard that it looked like it had been chiseled from granite. Oh how I wish I could reach back into the past and smack some sense into that young man, open his eyes and show him how to love. No, wait, I take that last part back, to show him that he needs to love and to be loved and that neither I, nor Dr. J are the ones that can teach him that.  
  
As Heero was thinking this he noticed a slow change in the scene before him. The window seemed to ripple ever so slightly, and when he saw himself for the second time, the eyes were still coldly blue, but there was a jovial kind of warmth, the warmth that comes with old age, love and experience. On the lips of his stone-set face was a slight smile, the lips just barely curved upwards, but it was a smile nonetheless.  
  
Maybe I'll turn out alright after all. 


End file.
